Snippet of Kassander

KASSANDER

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What is this, the familiar taste of iron in my mouth? My ears ring so loudly I can't even open my eyes. There was joy in the air before this. I remember the parade; finally, there was peace after the war. Beautiful colors streaming, singing, and children playing. Why is this happening again? I can't do anything but write. I feel my body being shaken. I open my eyes to see my commander shouting at me. I can see what she is mouthing. "What happened? Where are the others?!" "I was alone!" I croak out loud. All I can do is struggle in her arms; my legs betray me again, I think. She tries to lift me, and I slowly regain my senses. Her shouting intensifies. "What happened? I need you right now!"

I look over at her and can see what it’s done to us. Bodies were strewn about, torn apart. The innocent crying out in the distance, the dirt and gore covering me. All of our peace, our trust, was betrayed. I don't understand how this could be happening again. Why were all the lives we sacrificed in last year's battle lost? Why did I have to see all of it, and still be here...a survivor, a coward. I lose focus on what she is saying, but I hear her scream, "Kassander, MOVE now!" I regain my composure after the commander violently slaps me."Yes, commander! YES!" I became a soldier once more. My commander leaves me, running toward a voice shouting in the distance.

"Is anyone hurt?!" I shout, trying to run through the debris. I make my way deeper into the peace parade grounds. "HELP ME-E!" I see a girl lying under a large collapsed banister. I sling my weapon behind my back. "Are you hurt? I will try to get you out" I see her body. A pink iridescent powder covers the girl's blood-soaked face and the area around her, a sickly smell of flowers filling the air. An act of horror worse than any bomb alone. I stare at the girl for a moment. She cries, "PLEASE! PLEASE, I CAN’T BREATHE!"

I back away, running now, desperately looking for something to get under. They don't know what I’ve seen. How could any of you have known what wrath is following this? That battle of last year, all of my friends, enemies, all of it, everyone but me. Running as fast as my body allows me, I leave that young girl behind, to die. In the dusty air, I see my commander helping an enemy officer up from under their horse.

"Kassander, why are you running? I hear a girl shouting! You cowa-" I run past her, my noble commander. She must’ve never known this combat, never known what this enemy is willing to do, what inhumanities are available to them. She must’ve never known a fear of death before this. I ran into a building, breaking my fall over a table. I can hear the wind rising. "GET INSIDE, PLEASE!" I scream as loud as I can. The dust and debris covered in the powder begin to slowly rise, then the rubble, then the loose stones and boards. Then every soul unfortunate enough not to have been under something. I hear their screams lifting, screeching into the sky. I can still hear them rising. Higher and faster, until they are quiet. Her screams echo in my ears, that poor girl covered in the powder. I can't shake free; I am shackled to the earth. My mind replays the horror over and over. A soft breeze now blows as the sun slowly dips below the horizon, casting long shadows across my body. Darkness falls, bringing a cold that seeps into my bones.

As hours pass, I regain my focus, though it feels like days. Distant voices break through the haze. Lights flash outside, harsh and bright against the night. "Over here!" a voice calls out, firm and authoritative. Footsteps approach, growing louder, but my body refuses to respond. "Soldier!" It’s a captain unfamiliar to me, a stern man with piercing eyes. His neck reveals he is no ordinary officer. His tattoo is of a unit I've only ever heard of. He crouches beside me, his face a mix of relief and anxiety. "I've found you. You're safe now."

Soon others join him, their voices a blur. They lift me, guiding me out of the building. The night air is cold, a stark contrast to the chaos earlier. They set me down on a cot in a makeshift camp, medics immediately tending to me in a tent. They quickly see I am not severely injured and leave me alone. The captain stands over me, his eyes hard and warning.

"What did you see, soldier?" I take a shuddering breath, trying to find my voice. "I was patrolling the parade, and then...the first explosion." His eyes meet mine harshly. "It was...a powd-"

He claps his hand over my mouth, so hard I can feel my teeth cut into my lips. His expression darkens, and he leans in closer, his voice low. "You don't know what you saw, do you?" My eyes fixate on his, a nausea building in me as I gaze. "You died in that explosion, didn't you? With the rest of these traitors." My eyes start to water, my body tries to fight as I struggle to breathe. His grip on my face suffocates me. "Too soft to have survived." I bite into his hand, a bit of his flesh now between my teeth. He recoils back, and I feel my body locked into stone as if I wish I could vanish before him. His eyes now glow a faint amber. He looks at his gnawed hand, then at me. "Soon." I try to rise as he slams my face into the cot, a glowing heat from his hand burning my face. I lose consciousness, trying to fight. 

I woke up, not knowing how much time had passed. now at my old home. I could hear my mom and sister buzzing downstairs, the smell of something good on the stove. I look at my hands and see that there are no chains on me. I look down at my body and don't see restraints of any kind, I don't understand. I expected to be at the base, or at least a prison cell after my encounter with that officer. Asshole must’ve wanted to kill me, I don't know why he would want to hurt me, I don't know what I said that was wrong. Unless… he knows about that powder. When I tried to tell them last year what had happened no one believed me, no one in our leadership ever even thought something like this was even possible. They just reported it as enemy artillery. But no one believed me that there was more to the explosions than just that. I was told just to be grateful I was the only one who survived, I should be happy to be alive I guess. But I feel a horrible churning in my chest, in my stomach, his eyes..that strength. Why am I here at home? Where is he?

I hear footsteps approaching my room, panic sets in as I realize I have none of my weapons, nor my uniform anymore. All I can do is sit up slowly, bracing myself for whatever comes through the door. My heart pounds in my chest, every thump echoing the terror I felt back at the parade. The door creaks open, and my younger sister peeks her head in, her face lighting up with a smile that feels like a distant memory.

"Ava, you're awake! Mom's making your favorite breakfast," she says, stepping in and sitting on the edge of my bed. She goes to hug me but I wince as the pain in my body is still too fresh, She pulls back. “I'm sorry Ava, I'm just happy to see you're okay” I take her back into my arms and I can feel her tears trickling down my back, I close my eyes as mine do the same.

 I hold her close, and into her ear, I whisper “Lyss, I don’t know what you know, but something is very wr-” I open my eyes to see the officer standing in my doorway. Through the half-open door, I can see him looking at me, my body begins to tense up. My sister is confused and looks at me, releasing me. As she turns he enters the room. Not even making a sound as he entered. Lyss barks “Creepy weirdo! the fuck are you doing” He stares at me as she continued to bicker and bark at him, I tell her to go downstairs, and her usual contention fades as she turns to me and can see my face to face, I dont know if she saw my anger or fear but it was enough to get her to retreat back downstairs. 

He pulls up my chair from my old desk to sit next to me in the bed, It's just me and him now. “Look, I fucked up, I was wrong about..um, but…I know now” To my disbelief I do not know what to even think, I say “Sir- I..I dont understand what” but  he continues again; “I know about the powder, and I know how no one believed you when you reported it sometime last year, and how it was used.” I gasp a sigh of relief, but then I shake my head and wince in disbelief, “But I don't understand, this parade was in their own country…It was, it was their own people who suffered. Why would they bomb their own people..” my eyes meet his as I slowly realize. 

“It wasn't them who had this weapon, it was us…it was.” His hands cover his face as he says, “I thought you knew, I thought, you might have been involved, but after I looked into you,  I knew you weren't, that's why I wasn't sure whether or not you were privy to it back at the tent or not, but now that we both know the truth..” He stands up as he looks at me, “Do you want to stay here and wait to see if they realize you are still alive, or, can you join me in figuring it out?” My face contorted in confusion as he showed me his hand with the scar of my bite on him. “Or do you just fight when it’s too late?” I feel overwhelmed with all of this, I begin to say “I want to…I'm just” He calmly says, “Afraid? You will never stop being afraid  Ava…you may not sleep well again, or feel peace…or love, you will never get their faces out of your head..” My eyes meet him as I think back to that girl, he continues, “But, stopping this madness before it gets worse is worth it, isn't it? Before they take someone else I love..before..” He stops, and I see that he rubs his brow, “Captain,  I’ll do what I can, I want to fight whoever it is that is doing this…I want to…But I'm not sure how much use to you I’d be but-”. He calmly replies to me, “You must have something like luck on your side Ava” he says reminiscing, as he rubs a ring on his hand, he says ” Someone in that attack last year didn't”. I realize at that moment, it's naive to think any of this ends well, that this ends in any way other than execution, or prison. And yet I do not tremor, the thought of tearing apart those who would commit this evil fills me with something. I feel something stronger than my fears, rage. I see my eyes burning a bright white as I look into my mirror’s reflection. 

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